My Love Life ! My Lonely Wife ! My Gradual Strife !

Dear Friends,

I have chosen a topic here, which every Indian man finally dreams to accomplish - one day in his very long (actually insecure), very exciting (actually ab boriat bardasht nahi hoti) and very eventful (pehle baap gaya / phir mataji / phir chachaji ..... har terve din - ek aur tervi ... kind stuff) ..........but very happening life.

BUT FIRST THE PUNCH - Today I had this middle aged Professor friend of mine (the tensile puncture tyre ---- as I'll now mention to him as) came and sat infront of me - and almost after a full half an hour of dhulayi by the College Management - the tyre tells me -

"Are Yaar Dekho - Mere Liye Jindagi Bahut Aasan Hai - Jyata Much Much Nahi

- Mera ek hi sapna hai ! - Just look at the Punch with utmost care now"

THE SAPNA - 'EK HINDUSTANI BIBI HO !! LONDON MEIN APNA EK MAKAAN HO !! AUR PAISA HO - AMERICA KA !! - Bas'

Lets analyze what he meant - "Dekho saale s::@r kahin ke - Meri pant utar gayi hai - Management ke samne - Tumne jo naya naya bean bag rakha tha Staff Room mein -uspe lot lot ke Mera dimaag dahi ho gaya hai ! Ab is be-ijjati - ke lifafe se mukti ke liye - Mein Sochta Hoon - mere paas" - EK HINDUSTANI CIGARETTE HO !!! USME AAG LAGI HO !!! AUR JAB MEIN USE - sotun - 2 - AISA LAGE !! - America aur London - dono - Jagah Ki Ladkiyon Ke Saath - Mei Ek Baar Mein - 3##$m (a very popular tag - most Indians never get a chance to actually do it in practice - but see it on those (taliyaan) .... sites)(All puncture tyres are smiling). KAR RAHA HUN !!

I don't know why people chose a profession - in which they - Only become like that burning cigarette - Which - Holds no good for the "Smoker" yet he feels - I'm not a joker !!! though the world knows ur truth.

TODAY I SAW - HOW A BAD - ASS - FOOL - CAN - TALK ABOUT - LIVING IN LONDON - SMOKING AMERICAN PIPES - AND HAVING - PRETTY INDIAN BABES AS HIS WIVES - WHEN ACTUALLY - HE - is not sure - if he wore - his 'c/@d&;' inside his pant.

But, All my apologies to such fools of self-destruction, because they - r like those - "Last and wretched soldiers who DON'T BOARD THE SHIP - Because they thot it wise TO DIE ON THAT LONELY ISLAND - FOR THAT FEAR - THAT THIS SHIP SHALL - SINK"

Its not true friend, that every ship you'll board has to sink !! There are times - when - God loses - That is where - these flash floods, these plane crashes, these Tsunami's and these Chicken Guniya's - start to take over. BUT TO ALL GOOD MEN, GOD NEVER IS BAD.

- Now My Topic - My Love Life ! My Lonely Wife ! My Gradual Strife !

- To some it might even sound a bit - pessimistic , but for all practical and level decisions - I have taken till date in my life - This is a very good Topic.

- Let me take the next few minutes to explain what I want to write here -

- Most Indians don't have a love life - they have a 'bugged' life.

- Most Indians don't have a lonely wife - they have a 'only' wife (for some also this - Motherly Wife)

- Most Indians don't have a strife (Forget the gradual strife) - Bhai ! Subah - Bas ek -sukhi bread kha ke - Ganda pani pee ke - Tiffin - mein - Dal moth le ke - Tooti hui bas mein baith ke - Paath Shaal - jaata hun ! Kaisi Paathshaala Hai ?? Yahan ! Dushala Bhi Nahi Dete ? Kaisa - Gadbad Ghotala Hai - Yaha - Khana Bhi Nahi Dete (Indian kids don't go to school for Education - Literacy or any of these racy English slangs) - but, all for fasting and feasting.

LET ME EXPLAIN THE "GR8 MID DAY MEAL SCHEME TO YOU"

- ek garib aur corrupt teacher, jisne 2 hafton se is school ka chehra nahin dekha tha - aaj baniye ki dukaan se - 5 kilo - daliya ! chura ke - uda ke - uska halua - bana ke - Apne School Aya Hai !

- Galti se jo bacche aj school aye hai ! Copy - pencil - ityadi kuch bhi saath nahi laye hai - Unke bhole chehron ko dekh ke - use apne bacchon - ki yaad aa jati hai. Phir woh ek ek kar ke - jab - Dushala / Mala / aur 'famous taala' de chukta hai - to phir - Bacchon Ko Awaaz Deta Hai -

- Lallu ! Idhar Ao ! Beta ! Daliya ka halua le jao - Jeher Nahi Hai - Lallu replies - master sahab aap hi kha lo - 'Aj hamara - chauthvi ka pandrava vrat hai'

- Pappu ! Idhar Ao ! Beta ! Daliya Ka Murabba Aya Hai ! Le Lo Pappu cries - master sahab aap hi kha lo - aj 'naag devta ka chatvi wala purab disha wala vrat hai'

-Krishna ! Idhar Ao ! Beta ! Chori Ki Gayi Daliya Ka Swad - 2 - Chack -Le Mere Lalu !! Krishna replies - master sahab aap hi kha liyo ! maine - pura cannaster bhar ke - Polio Ki Dawai Pi Li Hai ......................

NO DOUBT - WRITER LIKE - ANITA DESAI - WROTE A HORRID TOPIC LIKE - "FASTING AND FEASTING" - ON HER IDEAS - OF AN IMAGINARY - INDIA.

Don't Believe Me ? - This Book - For Its Failure and Utter Disgust - Has Won - Many A Golden Goblin Awards. Just read the following passage from one of the reviews I read

CLICK ON THE LINK TO GO TO THE REVIEW - http://www.manfrommatunga.com/fasting.htm

HENCE - I'M SURE - YOU KNOW - WHY MID DAY MEAL SCHEMES NEVER PAY IN COUNTRIES LIKE INDIA !!
BACK TO MY MAIN TOPIC
- Love life of an average Indian lover varies from 2 years to 2 days. Indian men are good, at falling in love - with the woman they have met - around 2 minutes back and thanks to the "Women they live with ! Although don't know much about" - "All thanks to the Great India Soap Opera Nasha" - Ajkal hindustani gharon mein Chulhe nahi jaltey, Dulhe nahi miltey, Luley nahi paltey - kyunki - "HAR HINDUSTANI MAA - AB - BAA BAN CHUKI HAI ! HAR BIBI - TULSI VIRANI / PARVATI AGARWAL BAN CHUKI HAI"
And the gr8 'K' letter for all Indian families has become - 'Kabhi kabhi milne waley kamjor aur kifayat pasand families jo ab kabhi nahi mil patey hai kyunki - Saas ! Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi - ka time ho gaya hai Lallu'
- So in short , The Indian male waits for the next 'Saat' - janams - When he shall - Finally meet - his 'Beloved' - the woman who shall love him !! (and not all those "K" letter words).

Talk About The Lonely Wife ::
Most wives in India, are so lonely - in their stonely, and moan-ly - Apartments that - They - prefer to stay out all the time - They get - away - from their - Highly ignorant husbands.
Suno ! Aj bazaar se atey waqt ! Paneer Le - Ana !
(Husband man mein) - Paneer ki jagah - Janjeer - na le aun ! Gale mein latka ke - Dono kud jatey hai - Chat Se - Jeb mein chawanni bachi nahi hai ..... aur she wants to eat paneer.
Suno Bagal Waley - Mr. Taneja Vaisi Nazar Se Dekhtey Hai - (Husband Bathroom Mein) - Saala Taneja ! Lucky Hai ! Itna time to hai - ki doosron ki Bibiyon ka khayal to rakhta hai. Meri naukri mein to mei kisi ka khayal hi nahi rakh pata. (Agli Society Ki Meeting Mein ! Taneja ka naam - Chukidaar ! Ke liye recommend kar deta hun !!!) .........All poor residents can save some money !!!

And Now About - The Gradual Strife -
'I think this blog has become the longest blog of my (not salivating) arey bhai ! blogging career'.
Gradual Strife - I mean that - innate desire - to meet one's long planned goal. It can be meeting that already dead and gone, never married girl-friend of your's - you always 'kissed and lied - marry me', or that 'Bank Account - that died automatically - When you decieted your American employer to pay 4 not coming to Office - the rascal - played DEVIL to your Bank Account' ....
Some may have this desire to buy a new "Maruti Dezire" it has a Z instead of a S
S - for superior comfort //// scientific innovations /// slim body
Z - for zulu - type styling /// zebra cut sea covers /// zabardast - engine ki awaaz (one dreams - ki baba ! ki woh - Ghoda-Gadi badiya thi - tyre to nahi phat-ta tha) ......................................... :)
But, to this gradual strife -
'Let me write something' -----
- This is a story when I was in School, and our then Principal - Mr. C. V. I.......s was struck by a meteorite. The man who otherwise score 99/100 in all other Principles - did something that makes me write this !
In a class of - 45 odd - Loggerheads - IIT dubbed, and PMT scrubbed - testosterone charged - Male Maniacs - of 10 years - Deprivation of the 'Female Company' - Mr. C. V. I....s - suddenly - pushed in the - The Most Cute Looking Chicks of Allahabad city, jise tab tak hum log sirf - uske mash-hoor Ghanta-Ghar //// Children's Park Zoo //// aur //// famous - Kaloo Kachori ke liye hi jantey they -------------------- ab hum they - aur hamarey samne
- Allahabad Ke Sabse Rasiley aur Bharpoor - parivaron - Ki atyant - akarshak evan khichao paida kar dene wali - Atyant Sundar - Behad Kifayati aur poori Tarah Se Majboot - LADKIYAN - JO - IS SCHOOL - KO AB SCHOOL - SE JYADA - KISI - BOLLYWOOD DIRECTOR - KI US - UNDER 19 - LOVE STORY - KA HUNTING GROUND BANANE JA RAHI THI !!! Jisme har teacher - sirf facilitator hota hai ! Har friend (4 males) - sirf dushman ! Har chaprasi - sirf - ghoos-khor Khabri aur har Main Faculty / Ya Dean - Bhish - Pitamah jo sab kuch samajh to sakta - hai - Par baba ! Dekh nahi sakta.
- We had this one little - letter - in our Class (the famous class of 12-A in BHS) - and everyone used to call her - A2 (Actually A Square). She wore - the tiniest skirts in the city. Her hair were trimmed as if - Har din subah - woh baal kaat ke ati ho. He bag - was a special - Post-Master ka dibba - and - always - Some tattered book - Snuggled out of it. Her tiffin - I doubt - she brought any. Every boy - was ready to make that - "Maa Ki Roti Achar - Ka Sacrifice" for her. But she only had what she wanted to. Her "house colour" was red. She was not exactly what we call - friendly types - But, the pompish - types - "Ki dekho ! Meri Sab Se Dosti Hai" ....... "And to top it all - What carried her on top - was the most important - Part of my life then" -
There were two vehicles -
1). A Broken TVS Champ - Moped (Mostly under repair)
2). A red color - girl's cycle - She rode - with her bag behind (Looking like the real - Samantha Fox)
- I often waited under the - sickening and lonely - but always awake - Peepal trees in my School, as she would drive in - on her - Cycle. The cycle gave a tring tring and, all such - guys with lost family hopes - would jump - atop - to look at this Miracle - of sorts - arrive in the school.

My encounters with her - were limited to - Chemistry Labs / Break Timing Meetings / Then Later A Coaching I Think I Only Joined For Her / At Times - In The Free Periods - which both of us - Like Waited All Our Lives for.
- I don't know - but in her - I found that kind of a solace -
- A lost soldier would find in a 'broken yet functioning' - transciever
- A drowning man - would find in a handfull of molasses
- A hurt bird - would find - in that lonely corner of that Front Porch
- A roudy dog - would find - in that - Bone - chewed - almost thousand times before him, but still - because of it - he feels like a dog.
- I shared a relation with my dream - that - was - A never ending - Compassion. Days passed, Nights swept, months closed by, and wirh every passing - tick of the clock - My mystery about her - took forms and shapes the Mind is so scared to create. I saw her weep, I saw her smile, I loved her, I left her, I lived with her, and - We even - Made a house and Bought our new - Maruti 800, but all in my Dreams.
I never chose to tell her - What I felt within - What a guy - who has lived for 18 years in a - Room of darkness, all stuffed with poisonous gases, could feel on meeting a breeze of pleasure, like her. I waited for every morning to come asap, so that I can go to my school, only to see - if she has come, or not. She might not talk to me, She might not never sit next to me, She might never accept all gifts the - other male students - had to offer her. But, I had to see her. This was Life 4 me. This was love.
The days she wouldn't come - I would try and enquire from - all who sort of knew her . My tiffins were unfinished. My classes all junk, and wastage. I even thought of dropping - the idea to waste my Time - at an IIT preparation class I had attended. The donkey who used to teach us - Never let go of us - without that - Bull-shit - Beetel Masala - that was so regular in his mouth.
"Ye Bataiye ! Ap Log - Nashtey Mein - Sine - Ke Upar Cos Lagakar - use Theeta kratey hai ki nahi" - Aisa na karne se - "Apko - Bablo Shaka - A Ke - Kha Jayega" - Why do parents have to hire such cronies - to tell you - "Beta ! Ab Hame Koi Phikar Nahi - Tum Maro Ya Jiyo"
But,
This bridge of "imaginative faith" - was broken that day - When - cupid - set my - tongue on fire, and I - did - what - any - Blind Man - Blinded By Love would jump to do.
I PROPOSED MY A-SQUARE. MY LIFE WAS ABOUT TO TAKE A TURN. MY HOPELESSNESS - WAS ABOUT TO GROW INTO - BODHI-SATVA. MY STRUGGLES OF LIFE - INTO JOYS OF REDEEMING.
BUT GOD HAD OTHER PLANS -
I was told - I was blind. I was told - I was wrong. I was told - I was asking for something that was not mine. I weeped at the phone. The phone didn't speak. I asked her some mundane questions - My A - Square - never spoke. My struggles in my school - with all those "Stereotypes" of IITs and Mono-Phones of PMT came to an end.
- I don't know exactly what day it was - but, once I got over with her. I was - actually all taken up by her.
- All - her progress reports - became - my Project Reports.
-All her, transfer reports - became - My Migration Certificates.
- All her - Brilliance Scholarships - became my - Character Certificates ..............
- My world broke when she left Allahabad ..........................
- My world further broke when she left India ..........................
- And, Today - there are times - I feel - Like that lone survivor after - the doomsday - Waiting to meet God and ask him -
'Meri Watt Kyun Lagayi Thi Tumne' .................................. 'Yeh ! Jantey Hue - Ki Mai - Kitna Pareshan Hoon' .............................................. 'Kyun unhi logon ko - Jo tumhe sab se jyada mantey hai - tum aisi giri hui Sajaye dete ho' .......................................................kyun .. !!

- I KNOW WHAT MOST PUNCTURED TYRES LIKE ME - WOULD THINK - AFTER READING SUCH BLOGS OF MINE - WHAT A - SCR......@$# up life it is - Finally.
But, friends, believe me - it is after events like these, and storms like these -
We understand - We are made in - Life - for a -Purpose - bigger than - These.
We are made to conquer - World - much more - Beautiful, Extra-Ordinary and Gigantic - than the One's we reside in.
- Punar-janm ke barey mei nahi janta - par agar hota hai - To meri yehi - Pratigya hai - "Is baar ka yeh stay wala part - plz censor kar dena - Prabhu ! I would like to make my - Original Mugl-e-Azam in 3d ////////// Digital Colours and Dolby Digital - Soundtrack"

I would like to end this part here ...................... but do wait for - my - final part - of the story - when I write again .....................

Till then with a sick leg .....
All chums
n Regards,
PM